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Wednesday, 30 January 2008 ; 10:20Y
IM FYNE WITHOUT YOU~
This kind of song lets u vent out watever dat is in ur heart or mind... it rily helps me to de-stress so Just Shout Your Lungs Out!!!!!! Just like the way i did~~~~ Notice the *SCREAM* part..
im soo soo tired today~ What i did today; -do some *face-outs* -stock products -check the price tickets -check prices of the items on the stacks -check some products -go banking at OCBC -send CNY products to an outlet of Guardian at Yishun by cab -do cashierings ( i failed 2 transactions due to miscalculation & scanning the product more than twice) -paste CNY promotions all over the walls supposedly i end my shift at 4,but due to the loads of works & not enough manpower,so i knocked off at 6... aft dat went straight to ciqin's house..but before dat,dropped by at AmkHub's ntuc to buy kinder bueno for the ladies. i prayed so hard so as not to bump dere coz i know he start his work at 5 but URGH!~ as i returned from ntuc ,i saw the trolley boys at the escalator while on my way to macdonalds...& obviously he's dere..so i made a de-tour & went to B1 instead. he acted as if he never knew me. he acted dumb when his colleagues were like shouting "FASEHAH-FASEHAH" right from far...but yar,watever..i dun even mind. because i will always remember what he said to our friend -"i dun want to be with her anymore"...& i will always hold on to that. &&&...i just hate going to ciqin's house..not becoz i hate her..but becoz it will only bring bad memories to me. bcoz dere was once last year when najwa's singing practice was conducted at ciqin's house. & he sent me there right until the staricase. & he picked me up at AmkHub. haiysss...watever~ &&& sekali lagi,saye ingin merosakkan rambot saye buat kali ke sepuloh..haha..i've already surveyed the hair colour product in my store..& im having reddish orangish in mind..so nmpk lebey *arab* & more dramatic..haha tak penting kan.. bukannye nak tunjok sape seyy...satisfy ourselve pon ok pe..perasan sendiri...ok per,*body confidence*...lol... anyway,im werking again tomorrow,,wif Shahrum~~ he's in the morning shift while im in the mid-day shift..im sure tomorrow is gonna be VERY busy coz stocks normally arrive on every Tuesday&Thursday. pegy banking lagi...confirm penat seyy..ok lah..gotta tuck in. princess going to sleep......
ok,finally a song that really relates to me.. as in,if this song is dedicated by Him-to-Me.. den,it would be perfect~ itz true..we shud let it burn~
i'll just go with the flow~ ape nak jadi,jadi lah... because
Usaha - Done~ Doa - Done~ so,i just left wif Tawakkal~
; 00:46Y
IM FYNE WITHOUT YOU~
Don’t Wanna try, don’t wanna try( try) Don’t wanna try no more( try no more) Don’t wanna try, don’t wanna try, don’t wanna try no more (don’t wanna try no more)ooh
I cant believe you had the nerve to say the things you said They hurt so bad that they ended our Relationship I cant believe it four years gone down the drain How I wished things woulda happened so differently I tried to say this many times but still you couldn’t see You kept insisting, and resisting that you would not fall again
[Chorus] And now u trying to tell me that you're sorry and you're trying to come back home You're telling me you really need me crying, begging, both knees are on the floor But Baby I.… Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try no more You keep insisting when u know our love is out the door Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try cause all we do is fight And say the things that hurt you bad to where we both begin to cry Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try I ‘bout just had enough Its been a rough road baby just let it go Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try, Don’t wanna try no more Tell me what‘s the use of holding on when all we do is hurt our love
You and I had many conversations on the telephone Talks about one day we having a place of our own Wake up in the morning and have breakfast ready on the table But all of that just seems so Far away from me Had to wake up, face reality It all just seemed to good to be true After all you put me through
(Chorus)
Don’t Wanna try, don’t wanna try( try) Don’t wanna try no more( try no more) Don’t wanna try, don’t wanna try (try) oh oh (oh oh ) Don’t wanna try, don’t wanna try (try), don’t wanna try no more (don’t wanna try no more) Don’t wanna try, don’t wanna try, don’t wanna try no more (try no more)(try no more) oh oh
*ouhhkayy..im so bored staying at home till i blogged for twice in a day...anyway..im soo into listening songs from Frankie J. i just love his voice & his kinda music. urm, but i dunno if diz songs fits the situation dat i've went thru. maybe partly yes,partly no. just hope u all enjoy diz*
today is my off day~ boring sey dudok rumah..bangon,mkn,do housewrk,surf the net,tgk tv smpai mlm,talked on the fone smpai pagi,den tido~ boring kann??~ but itz okay,i'll be working tomorrow. my shift will start at 12-4. & after maghrib got nasyid practice,,yeahh...da lame tak nyanyi betol2..& engage in all girls affair..no guys,cume ade ustad as the advisor..& most importantly,takde si dektuh...so,no need to fret... & aniway...this is to u...im not being sarcastic, not being hateful, not being vengeful...
Nak carik yg sumone *PURRFFEECCTT* konon..datz the problem wif guys nowadays..nak perempuan yg baek2..tp diri sendiri tak betol..abey biler da dapat nanti in the end blame the girl for watever mistakes or faults..well my advice is,btol kan lah diri sendiri tuh dulu..bile insyaAllah iman da okey, da *PURRFEECCTT*, barulah awak layak to deserve sumone who is *PURRFECCTT*...u see, setiap lelaki yg baek akan mendapat perempuan yg baik....& jgn ever repeat ur past mistakes....haiyyss...selame ni, kite cube untok jadi perfect utk die, but he just never & couldnt see all that....datz y i wonder guys just dont apprecciate their girlfriends... kate *not ready for all these things yet*..tapi kenape nak searching?? like u said,,u will wait smpai satu hari nanti after ur studies & watsoever da complete..tp ni ckp laen pulak..alahh tu semue alasan & nak buat sebab je kan?..u think i dunno u? u think i dunno whatz behind those walls? ..*bleagh*...tak paham..tak paham... & many out dere keep wondering how & why i can stay wif him for quite a long tyme..well my answer is * i was just Blind & VERY stupid * back then....
1st day of work,delightments~ reported to work at 12pm. There was Shahrum & Kelvin whose in the morning shift. so Shahrum guided & showed me around the store. Not much work for part-tymers. just some arrangements of products need to be done, and they call dat *face-ups*. attending to customers was ok lah..so far havent met any rowdy or fussy customers yet. as i wasnt in uniform yet,there's diz one customer who turned her back & walked away when i said "yes ma'am how can i help u?"..haha... the 1st 2 hours was a bit bored,not much to do. so ended up talking & talking wif Shahrum. Kelvin was a bit Quiet at first. but in the end he approached me & started a conversation. Shahrum was the outgoing type. He *offered* me a candy. i didnt realised it was the candy that can turn ur teeth&tongue into colours after i looked at his mouth when he was talikng to me. *FRET* sengaje taw bdk ni..takpe,kasi chan..i was praying dat my teeth wont turn out dat way. once,i was checking to my phone & realised the reception bar was going up & down..& shahrum was like "ah msg sape tuh? matae ehh?"..i was like .."HECK,,nomatae seyy..im juz checking my phone..sini takde reception eh?"..& he was like.."takde reception ke atwpon bz msg2..haha..". i was like.."kepo ehh..i didntslide up my phone..see,where got msging?". lol..maybe he was just trying to crack sum jokes yg oops sungguh tak menjadi..haha..takper.. & another colleague, yati, joined at 2. at first i thot she was a snob. but she's a BIG NO. she's pleasant, cute & very peramah. and Kelvin said yati is very nice. she asked me to go to the OCBC bank to deposit yesterday's earnings & i actually brought $1852 wif me dere. btol punye pegang beb,,klw apape kite yg kene nanti. & when i returned from the bank, Shahrum & Kelvin have already ended their shift at 3, so left me & yati. i bought for us snacks from Old chang kee & juices from Cheers while on my way back. not so many customers just now, so we juz talked & talked. & yati handed me that ORANGE uniform. the 1st tyme ever i wore sumthing orange..haha... timecheck, 4 pm..time for me to knock off & head back home...1st day was fun..wif beautiful ppl & frendly colleagues~ looking forward to go to work again...
im very tired & sleepy. didnt sleep for the past 2 days. i spent the midnite & early morning wif hidayah. at first we chatted over at the msn, she was feeling down because her ex have "moved on" and is now wif a girl who was his *scandal*. we began sharing songs of overcoming "break-ups" & songs dat relates to guys being jerks & songs dat tells girls to be "damn strong". and aft dat we spent 3 hours hogging on the phone sharing our plights, swearing guys (ok datz so not me,but yar situation makes me do so), thinking abt y guys juz dont apprecciate wat their girlfriend have did so much for them, and some girls stufss and yada yada yada... talked to her till wee of the morning and we decided not to sleep becoz i have a meeting later at 10 and she has to work at 11. & i got a surprise just now. my auntie whom i call "mak ude" works at the cheers convenience store at Amk hub,the one opposite Macdonald's. i was all like "mak ude keje sini??". damn shocked seyy. i was on my way to MuttaQin & decided to drop by cheers to buy HL milk, and didnt expect her to work dere, at AMK....~~AMK hub~~ bleaghh~~ nmpknye i cannot lari dari AMK eventhough im trying to distance myself from dere... (AMK will be like a *benci-benci,sayang-sayang* affair) ouhh & aniway, tomorrow is gonna be my 1st day of work at Guardian Pharmacy. will have to report to work at 12. i've been rilly looking forward for this,apart from the "eagerness" to start schooling soon. it can at least help my mind from thinking too much & keep me busy. ok lah,nak mkn & pastuh nak tido..mlm nak tgk tv..& talk on the fone lg...besok keje...hahahaha....
how will u feel if one day sumone who loved u,& sumone whom u rily love..told u that he has no more feelings for u ? how will u feel when u remembered about those tymes wen he begged to u, telling you dat he needed u, telling u dat he's afraid of losing u..but in the end he was the one who changed? how will u feel aft a few months of being wif him,can u forget about those memories easily? how will u feel wen u keep repeating the scene when he hold ur hand very tight to show dat he dun want u to let dat grip go..?
how will u feel wen your feelings were being toyed? how will u feel wen u've never liked him,but as tyme goes by,u takes up courage to start liking him & loving him & gave him chances to let u be his? how will u feel wen he didnt seem to apprecciate the small things dat u did to him,just to him? how will u feel when one day he just wants to treat each other as friends? how will u feel when the next day he said a different thing? how will u feel when people keep telling you dat the both of u looked perfectly together?
how will u feel when people keep on telling you dat they really wants to see the both of u be back together? how will u feel when the 1 year annivessary between the both of u is so near but it seems so impossible? how will u feel when u havent stopped crying even after a month he left u? how will u feel when u will still be seeing him wether u like it or not? how will u feel when u can still remember when he whispered to ur ear "Dear,I Love You"..? how will u feel when u steal a glance to look at him without anyone noticing,because u juz cannot stare at his face anymore like wat u used to do? how will u feel when up till now,he's the only guy that u find gorgeous,and silently praising his physical? how will u feel when u still see him using the wallet that u bought for him? how will u feel when he came out from the room and u smelt the perfume dat u bought for him? how will u feel when he is not even moved by watever dat u are feeling,watever dat u've said? how will u feel when some people have been telling you to just forget about him coz itz all hopeless now? how will u feel when what he wants is not what u want,and what u want is not what he wants? how will u feel when you are still hoping but he really Already CALL IT QUITS? how will u feel when u have ever gave him chances for 4 tymes but he just cannot give u a single chance? how will u feel? tell me..... how will u feel?
**..:fasehah:..** *u told me to forget you** [well i will] says: u got it wrong..
**..:fasehah:..** *u told me to forget you** [well i will] says: salah ke klw kite tanak ckp pon...
**..:fasehah:..** *u told me to forget you** [well i will] says: itz up to me if i want it to be known or nt
>>Prinze of prinze< haiz...
>>Prinze of prinze< i'm been treating u as a fren...
>>Prinze of prinze< takpe...
>>Prinze of prinze< i swallow that...
>>Prinze of prinze< i just need your respect...
**..:fasehah:..** *u told me to forget you** [well i will] says: i dun nid anything
>>Prinze of prinze< dont u get it..
>>Prinze of prinze<
we need to work properly to get things done... >>Prinze of prinze<
**..:fasehah:..** *u told me to forget you** [well i will] says: as in?
>>Prinze of prinze< i'm talking about yaqin stufff...
>>Prinze of prinze< how can we work if u treat me this way...
>>Prinze of prinze< taking me as "who the hell are u"...
>>Prinze of prinze< fine...
>>Prinze of prinze< u want it to be this way...
>>Prinze of prinze< go ahead....
>>Prinze of prinze< but remember,dont push me in terms of respect...
>>Prinze of prinze< alright....RESPECT...
**..:fasehah:..** *u told me to forget you** [well i will] says: u said u like us wen were being frenz as in more den frenz but not yet together?
**..:fasehah:..** *u told me to forget you** [well i will] says: was dat wat u meant
>>Prinze of prinze< like we were before...
>>Prinze of prinze< from the veryfirst time we met...
**..:fasehah:..** *u told me to forget you** [well i will] says: so izit like having sumone special in mind or watsoeva ?
>>Prinze of prinze< itu terpulang la...
>>Prinze of prinze< but all i can say is i'm treating everyone...including u the same way... **..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: im just totally speechless
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: u remember abt y i rily dun want a r'ship in the very 1st place wen kite baru knal..?
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: im sure u do? >>Prinze of prinze< like i said...its my fault asking for a relationship in the first place..
>>Prinze of prinze< but even if we go on...after reading abg wan's email....that gives me a knock on my head...
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: & i was rily happy wen were being lovers the last time
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: & until u decided us to be in a r'ship..
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: there we started to argue..
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: & i guess datz where i started to become so demanding
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: maybe i was expecting u to be A BOYFRIEND
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: i dun nid a r'ship
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: i was happy wif the way we were b4
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: having sumone in mind but we e where we stands
>>Prinze of prinze< its true....
>>Prinze of prinze< but even den....can u be with the yaqinians together..???
>>Prinze of prinze< instead of being berdua-duaan..??
**..:fasehah:..** *back off? shud i?* says: i miss our old days
>>Prinze of prinze< me too..
--------the rest part have been removed,,we'll juz keep it to ourself--------- *datz the last nice conversation dat i had wif him thru the msn* where's all ur werds? where's all ur promises? u changed ur mind just the next day..u know i was hurt by wat u did...but u juz didnt care..u actually gave me hope wen u said u wanted us to be like before..but y did u say the other way round the next day?? why dear? u even have the cheek to say that u dun want us to have any feelings towards each other....why dear?? just ape dosa i pd u?
& one day wen u told me dat u're seeing sumone new..wat do u tink i felt? yes u gave me the reason dat u just wanted to get to know more people..but y must it be a girl? A GIRL? & wen i called u aft midnite for a few tymes,y cant u at least pick-it up,,or give me a miss call or at least msg me? fyne u said u are tired & need sum rest,& have been late for classes,fyne i tolerated. but y izit possible for u to talk to her everyday AFTER MIDNITE without fail? u gave excuses to me but not to her..~~ kenape i dipanggil "tak betol" biler i called u at 1..tp klw bebual ngn die at 3,"betol" sgt lah tuh??
& abt the msg u sent me td, just watz ur motive by doing dat? by saying "y not the 3 of us jadi frenz??" Heloo Irsyarudin Shah Salleh..mane awk letak hati& perasaan awk? awk ni bukan manusia ke? awk taw tak kite da cukop sabar dgn ape yg awk da buat pd kite? awk ingat kite suke bbl ngn die? awk igt kite bbl ngn die tuh kite takde rase apape? kite tak rase geram? hurt? painful? saket hati? but im not gonna hate her,itz u who i hate. ouh so IF the 3 of us jadi frenz or watsoeva,,awk igt kite suke lah tgk korg bermesra depan mate kite? heyy c'mon lahh...diz is not the 1st time things like diz happened..but itz the 1st tyme dat A girl is invloved...
juz who am i to u all this while? as if i was never a Big Part in ur life? as if u never likes me..as if u never have feelings for me..as if u never loves me..as if we never went thru so much..as if things never happened between us..as if no one knew abt Irsyarudin& Fasehah...as if people never said dat we looked "perfectly together"...as if i wasnt the girl who are willing to give u her time....bleagh wartever.....im tired of being patient...im tired of being hurt...im tired of bearing wif the pain.....wen i am just abt to get on wif a new life,out of a sudden u sent me dat painful & very hurtful message.....
-----haiiysss----
i really want us to be back together.. & hanye itu sahaje.. i didnt ask for a relationship i didnt want any commitments from u i just want us to be like before just simply having feelings for each other me being a part of ur life u being a part of my life just like before wen we 1st met but u dont have to worry anymore i have stop hoping i noe u dun have feelings for me anymore datz okay i'll have to move on..
Seems like just yesterday You were a part of me I used to stand so tall I used to be so strong Your arms around me tight Everything, it felt so right Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong Now I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hanging on Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes I told you everything Opened up and let you in You made me feel alright For once in my life Now all that's left of me Is what I pretend to be So together, but so broken up inside 'Cause I can't breathe No, I can't sleep I'm barely hangin' on Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes Swallow me then spit me out For hating you, I blame myself Seeing you it kills me now No, I don't cry on the outside Anymore... Anymore Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes There are hardly tears alive Here I am, once again I'm torn into pieces Can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes There are hardly tears alive
okey i decided to blog again for today. can i blog in a mixed of English,Malay,Arabic,Spanish,Mandarin?? hehe...well,im linguistic,so in LOVE wif languages..okey,lets be serious.. i felt so lonely juz now wen Hafidz went home..got no-one to talk kcw me,no-one to listen to my agonies..well i have my dad to confide in but obviously itz not gonna be the same. sumtymes itz gud to have frenz who are willing to lend u a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a hug to give comfort, a few pats on the shoulder & so on..but itz not just hafidz,to name a few.... Anyway,i received a msg from my Ex dat goes "fasehah u tc..im going away 4 3 weeks coz of NS..u be happy kay..". i was like "huhh?? y must he tell me all diz? izit necessary 4 me to know?",, so i juz ignored it...maybe he still cant get over me? maybe he still cant seem to forget me? maybe he still loves me? maybe bcoz i was his 1st LOVE? the girl with whom he tasted the sweetness & sourness of being in LOVE for the 1st tyme? OMG riffy... i cant believe wat i have done to u...i actually left such a wonderful,good-mannered,faithful,never-once-hurted-me for a guy whom i thought could make me happy by giving me luffs & smiles everyday. whom i was very happy with but in the end dampens me me & made me went sorrow, made me cried out bucket of tears,made me swear wen i actually dont,made me punched,made me feel like slapping the face,made me think of any negatives dat ever existed... i cant believe i was so stupid, so naive. i shud have juz stayed wif my 'pendirian' right from the 1st day dat i knew him, which was *i dun really trust people easily,especially guys....& i dun believe in r'ship coz i noe itz not going to last*. but itz too late for regrets now. things already happened. i was the one one who let him to likes me where in the 1st palce i was really meluat wif him, well, sort of flirtish,he was. i was the one who said "yes" to that 1st date. if i hadnt entertained him,it wudn't dragged for 9 mths. pfffffftttttt!!!~~ -Whart-A-Big-Regret- well, now he already have sumone *new*, sumone to talk to late at nyte, sumone to tell him *bedtyme stories* or watsoever..simply said "my replacement". hmm biaselah,klw ade bende yg baru,mestilah bende yg lame akan dibuang kan? psl bende yg lame tuh da tak membahagiakan die lagi. da tak boley utk diadekan *perasaan* lagi. just like wen u've always ate rice but suddenly u juz decided to have a change & go for sumthing new bcoz u are already bored wif the old one. life is like dat. everybody tends to do that. like the saying goes *what goes around comes around*. maybe bcoz i used to played diz trick on sumone, & in the end sumone else played diz trick on me back. im already tired wif this 'vicious cycle'. from now on,ape nak jadi,jadi lah..... & anyway im moving to a new blog...soon.....
yeayyyy!!!~~ i can finally blog faithfully~~thanx to Hafidz for painstakingly cuming down to my house & helped me *warteva he did* to my pc...& he actually shed his blood twice. Once,bcoz he accidentally 'langgar' a sharp object under my desktop. Twice, when i throw his thumbdrive down the window & i forgot to close the cap. awwwcch...aniway thanx bro..u've always been dere during my difficult tymes... hmmm....wart shud i blog abt? i just have no idea...maybe tonight i will....just maybe....
i am juz still so weak...itz been a month but im still like diz....sorry for making u guyz waiting for my updates...my pc crashed,my life tumbles up& down,my mood swings,my tastebuds gone,my happiness stays only for awhile,my sadness seems to stay forever.... every 14th in each month will always be remembered, 14th of march 2007, datz wen we 1st met 14th of december 2007, datz wen we broke-up 14th of january 2008, wen we meet for the very last tyme together 14th of february, His birthday 14th of march 2008, our supposed a year of being together nothing much to update.. juz wanna say i still do love him.. like he said 'things wudn't be like diz if i hadnt changed' i really regret... how i wish we will be back together... but im going to stop hoping.. i noe i cant bring his love back, no matter wat i do no matter wat i say.. as i already returned his jacket back,dere will be nothing of him to accompany to sleep, 1st thing i do and reach for wen im sad,wen i cry,wen i feel like shouting,wen i feel like missing him,wen im hurt is His Jacket... && it rily hurtz wen he said to me "if u look at my friendster,u will noe dat im seeing sumone" only God knows how i felt at dat very moment... in my mind,dere is only one thing & 1 question dat has been staying dere... *y does he have to like me , love me in the 1st place...and after my feelings,my love developed so strongly,i was left..wif the reason "maybe being friends is better"..yes i am trying & already seeing the good things behind it...but i am juz not ready to let go..& to treat him just like "a friend" & it hurtz wen he juz wanna see me as 'a friend'...... i have been hearing a lot of advices...sum told me to juz let go & forget evrything...sum told me to juz ignore dat kind of guy...sum told me to juz continue doing wat i think is right..sum told me to juz keep contacting him like before who knows one day he might juz realised wat he did.......but.....haiyyyssss.....i wont be bothered if he dun want us to be like before as in "together but not an item".....but,,a part of me is saying yes, a part of me is saying no...... i love him,i still do.....if only he would say thanx for loving him....but i dun really need a thanx..
Fasehah Omar