itz been nearly 5 months since i started knowing him. itz not rily a long period of time for me. but it is indeed a long period of tyme for him to have known a girl. yar, probably i am the lucky girl. 5 months?? hmm... i've known almost everyting about him. i can even tell thru his actions, thru his words, thru his voice, thru his steps, thru his facial expressions..even when he didn't tell me what is exactly wrong wif him!~
all i'm going to say is..

I AM STILL THINKING IT THROUGH....
GOD, i miss him
may he will be the one for me
and i'll be the one for him
but i am not expecting it now
or soon
but later
when we've finished our studies
and when we already came to a definite achievement..


a picture dat we took 1 mth after our 1st date..
n itz been close to 5 mths now..




and...other souls in my life dat i LOVE besides my family, my HIM, and my friends are

MY CLASSMATES....


not complete yet..still got sum babes left..

eventhough there might be some back-talking behind them or behind us..i guess datz juz part of parcel of school life. when different ppl wif different characters being placed under roof. but i had my great tyme being in sec 3B of 2007. i hearts them lotz!~ but too bad..fathini and fatimah joined us late. they missed the fun before june. but none the less..fathini and fatimah rox my sox babes!~ baru 3 weeks kenal..sayaang banget same dorg..and also.. i love shyda too..[shyda..kiter heart-to-heart- eh?] hee..


nani s. - me - su'aidah


and i LOVE my fathini babe too!~ we hold hands at school!~ haha

just wanting everyone to know dat..I LOVE EVRY PRESENCE OF SOULS IN MY LIFE..
i love my PARENTS
SIBLINGS
FAMILIES
UNCLES
AUNTS
COUSINS
RELATIVES
FRIENDS
CLASSMATES
TEACHERS
YAQINS
TORNPRINZE
and ever existing or still existing or dun wish to exist in my life..
i will not hate you even if you hate me..
i am happy enuff even when you are not happy wif me..
tanx everyone for ur presence in my life..
I LOVE YOU ALL!~

Labels: I LOVE THE LIFE

yesterday and today was a Very Bothering Day for me. i kept thinking about wateva dat happened on sunday. regret. disturbed. bothered. wish i cud turn back the tyme. i wish i had followed my babes for a gurlz day out. or go to the movies to watch transformers wif ahmad. or juz went straight home after bowling. or juz simply stayed at home. i wish i hadn't sit at that very bench. i wish it didn't even start at all. but things have happened. there is no way that i cud turn back the tyme. things went unpredictably. things went wrongly. things went unwantedly. things went unexpectedly. but who am i to change fate? i guess dat was what dat have been fated for us. one of the obstacles. i am not trying to blame fully on him. i guess my fault was dere too. but he begged me for forgiveness. should i give him dat? or shud i not? eversince dat day, he almost changed my perception on him. was that the real him? ok i am aware of watever dat he have told me about himself. yes i can accept that. but...for watever dat he have did to me..duhh i juz dunno how to put it in words. i am still thinking it through......

Labels: I AM DISTURBED

todae was the yaQin's chill-out-day @ safra yishun's bowling centre. but there were only me, siti, nas, adi, sis fizah, bro syam, bro faisal n his wife, n my irsya.... but den my irsya was late by half an hour. but i was shocked when he appeared not after tapping the ez-link card at the control station. but i was like 'heck-care' bcoz we were in sum kind of 'conflict'. and i juz ignored him until at the bus queeing line at the interchange. out of a sudden, he asked me:

IRSYA:wat tyme u keluar rumah tadi?

ME: around 1.30 . why??

IRSYA: i waited for you infront of your block ard 1.15 gitu.

ME: huh?? u serious?? how cum i neva saw you??

IRSYA: I saw ur dad cuming out from the gate..so i moved to the staircase infront..

ME: Juz now i got my dad to send me to yishun mrt..but how come i never saww youuu??!!

IRSYA: I waited sampai 1.45..i was like "ehh da pukol brape nie takkan tak kluar-kluar??" so i walked back to yishun mrt lah..datz why i was late...

ME: Alahhh...u soo sweettt...knape tak bilang siang-siang??!! ishhh...why must i get my dad to send me!!~~hmpphh~

IRSYA: i thought of giving you a surprise..actually i reached your house around 1.15 gitu...

ME: awww dear....u soo sweetttttttt........

IRSYA: alalalalalalalala......

he's soo sweet kann?? he wanted to give me a surprise by appearing infront of my block..but too bad la..it was not meant to be...hmpph...heee..and aft dat all of us went straight to safra yishun and stayed dere until 4. aft finished playing bowling, all of us went to eat at KFC bcoz we were all so damn hungry. and aft dat, we headed to the arcade to have sum funn. aft dat we all lead our separate ways. irsya sent me home and the rest is history.
only me and him and allah knew what have happened to us. i don't wish to remember about it but i juz can't. i cannot pretend dat it neva happened but i have to and i must try to. i was truly shocked and dissappointed with his sudden changes. but i don't want to hear any promises made by him or said by me. we may never know if it tends to happen again. i don't want to kotorkan the 'cinta suci' yang kiter jaga selame ini wif kemungkaran and dosa. it won't be blessed, obviously. so dear, we'll put dat behind us and never to look back again.

i know you are still waiting for my forgiveness. i know dat you are still waiting for me to make the decision. i know dat you have made yours. i still remember when u said "i'll wait for you no matter how long it takes". i remember sayang..but just give me some time to think it through..

few songs that describe my emotion ryte now.......

PERMATA YANG DI CARI

hadirnya tanpa ku sedari
menngamit kasih cinta bersemi
hadir cinta insan padaku ini
anugerah kurniaan illahi

lembut tutur bicaranya
menarik hatiku untuk mendekatinya
kesopanannya memikat di hati
mendamaikan jiwaku yang resah ini

ya-Allah
jika dia benar untukku
dekatkanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
jika dirinya bukanlah milikku
damaikanlah hatiku dengan ketentuanMU

Dia lah permata yang dicari
selama ini telah pun ku temui
tapi ku tak pasti rencana Illahi
adakah dia kan ku miliki?

tidak sekali dinodai nafsu
akan ku batasi dengan syariatMu
jika dirinya bukan untukku
redha hatiku dengan ketentuanMU

ya-Allah engkaulah
tempat ku bergantung harapanku
ku harap diriku sentiasa di dalam rahmatMU
maybe this song is meant for me but he didn't mention to me anything about it.


NICK LACHEY- THIS I SWEAR

You're there by my side
In every way
I know that you will not forsake me
I give you my life
Would not think twice
Your love is all I need believe me


I may not say it quite as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in


And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear


I'm wondering how I ever got by
Without you in my life to guide me
Wherever I go the one thing that's true
Is everything I do I do for you


I may not say it half as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in


(Chours)
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear


So whenever you get weary
Just reach out for me
I'll never let you down my love (my love, my love)



how sweet it would be if he dedicate this song for me........and one more song that explains his emotions.....



ELLIOT YAMIN-WAIT FOR YOU

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I’m missing you
And I’m wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I’m all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it’s a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be


So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don”t know what else i can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life


Baby I will wait for you
If you think I’m fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I’ll wait for you
It’s been a long time since you called me(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can’t do it baby


What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain’t like that
Why can’t you look at me, your still in love with me
Don’t leave me crying.


Baby why can’t we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough


So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else i can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life


Baby I will wait for you
If you think I’m fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I’ll wait for you



words from the song are juz super true. he is still waiting for me to give him my answers. he wanted us to be back again like before. and i've got a last song here dat express my true feelings for him......


MARIAH CAREY- MY ALL

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I'm drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side

I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight


Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
and that you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight


I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight

Labels: emotions in me

today i attended a seminar at bedok view secondary wif the rest of my classmates except for shyda and nurul who were juz too lazy to wake up in the morning. so there were 18 of us. aft the seminar which ended at 1 aftnoon,almost all of 3B babes went to eat at LJ SILVER @ the s'pore post. and aft dat we all lead our separate ways. sum went to geylang. sum went to bugis. sum went home. while me n the babes left went to ct hall. GURLZ DAY OUT was FUN!!~~ but at the same tyme, i was missing my dear sooo badly..thought we cud go out together today but he needed to attend the kenduri tahlil 1 week of his late grandma..


AL-Fatihah to his grandma.....

but den...wen we were at the control station..i saw diz one guy who look exactly like my dear...

his heights and his way are soo similar!

he look so muchh like my irsya dat i juz shouted quietly at my babes n told them dat he look like my 'kambing'!!~ i almost fainted wen i saw diz guy! and i didn't even want to move from dere!~ his goatee his heights his movements his beige pants his slipper his specs LOOK SO MUCH LIKE MY DEAR'S. i made an assumption probably dat was my dear's bro irwan shah...but itz juz a MAYBE..

AWWW!!~~ diz guy made me miss my irsyarudin shah soo badly!

ok2!~ enuff abt dat guy or watso eva..tapi yg pentingnyer..torn_princess MISS HER torn_prinze SOO MUCH! ok2 enuff!~ hee... and den,aft buying my babe's b'dae gift for her fren, we sat infront of a restaurant waiting for the b'dae boy to arrive. and my babe place the cake on top of the table..and kiter perasan jd "The Birthday Girl".... huahua...

haha..the "perasan" me..

and aft dat we juz hang around sitting dere talking and luffing..hehek.. soo GREAATT to be wif the babes. the tyme shows 615 and we headed to ct hall mrt station and trained home...my babes are jambu!~ see u gurlz on monday!~

ok 2mrw i'm meeting my dear wif the rest of the yaQins for our chill-out-day at safra yishun for BOWLING!!~ huhu!~

Labels: A fun day out

hey ppl!~ sorry for not updating my blog for a very long period of time!~ i was juz too lazy to keep u all updated..haha..so rily2 sory yar~

hmm..well2..wat shud i start aft i've been m.i.a . well, not manymajor occurence have happened to me. even if dere does,i shan't blog abt it coz itz juz too personal..

well, i juz returned from YCM at muttaqin. i was damn dead tired and feeling kinda sleepy. been yawning for quite sum tyme during the meeting. my eyes was heavy. i went to muttaqin straight from sch la seyy..wat did u expect?
so yar..me n him..we went together..bt i dunno..half way thru,i started to get angry wif him. maybe bcoz he dun wana carry my heavy bag for me. bt datz ok. n den while leaving, he didn't took my shoes along from the back gate to the front gate. i was totally pissed off bt kept telling myself to juz be patient and juz sabar jer. and den aft dat i purposely didn't want to accompany him to eat. but i already know dat he's been groaning in pain, saying out loud, complaining dat he is hungry and dat his stomach hurts a lot. i juz heck care and totally dun bother. i wanted him to feel how i felt being neglected and not being cared for. and indeed, yes, i succeeded on letting him suffer for awhile.


but aft dat,i juz said sorry to him for being cold and for not talking at all. and den aft dat he sent me home. and hopefully things between us will back to normal again. juz like how we both used to be.

and sayang..diz goes out for u..


To choose either
to look at him?
or not to look at him?
He's gorgeous
hard to resist
I LOVE HIM
and i insist...

But for no reason
i was mad at him
GOD i don't know what is wrong with me
I've been feeling weird lately

Dear, sorry for acting strange
I wanna be with you
in between every range....



sayang plz update ur blog k..i want u to say sumting about US...

and btw,i was online wif my former 'love-of-my-life'~~ARGGHH!! watever Fish!!~~ i was blind then. i didn't know how to tell ppl's character. so yar..he said sumting like.. *are u still single?* *so i stand a chance la ni?* *if u are wif me,confirm i'll treat u baek2* *do you want to talk?* like duhhhhh!!!!~~~ don't u ever think dat i'll be taken wif ur werdz!!~~ wen you are alone, u want to talk to me bcoz dere is juz no one else kan??? WATEVER la ahmad afif !!!~~ i'm a grown up now!!~~ u are 20 already, but u still act like a kid..and u sounded juz like a typical mat!! i won't tolerate ur nonsense ok?!~ i am not in trouble like wart u said. i am happy with the life dat i am leading now...~~~

Labels: unTOLERABLE day

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Fasehah Omar
17teen
Teacher's Day Baby
of Malay + Arab
kecoh,*cute*,fragile,sensitive;very

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